I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.