Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!