Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?