Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."