they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Found your bra
Hanging in the tree