Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?