You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.