I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago