I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.