You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How does one acquire holy water?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.