Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"