we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
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You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
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three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.