remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.