all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes