There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you