college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wipe that smile off your face.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend