To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together