Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
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Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
your room smells of hookers.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom