the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
your room smells of hookers.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy