we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'