Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.