We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down