Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (630)

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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(630): View more from Illinois

i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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(630): i would rim the shit out of meg ryan http://tfl.nu/j227

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

(317): View more from Indiana

Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

(630): View more from Illinois

Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

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(630): I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos! (317): Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto? (630): Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos http://tfl.nu/vb21

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batman just walked across the sidewalk

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lay off the drugs

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no for real he was wearing a cape

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(630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01

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just tell him i said nine months

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(630): just tell him i said nine months http://tfl.nu/oqo8

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Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.

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(630): Just got done shaving my balls. You were right. http://tfl.nu/e0qo

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The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(630): The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum. http://tfl.nu/5o8q

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do you know how bad I want you right now?

(1-630): View more from Illinois

As bad as i want you to stop texting me?

(630): View more from Illinois

is that a hint?

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(630): do you know how bad I want you right now? (1-630): As bad as i want you to stop texting me? (630): is that a hint? http://tfl.nu/28x8

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I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

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(630): I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something. http://tfl.nu/fnx9

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I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro

(630): View more from Illinois

I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth

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(212): I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro (630): I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth http://tfl.nu/vvtz

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Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.

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(630): Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun. http://tfl.nu/krwt

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If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.

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(630): If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her. http://tfl.nu/sljo

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(734): View more from Michigan

cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

(630): View more from Illinois

if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

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(734): cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink. (630): if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan. http://tfl.nu/ows1

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My bed smells like naked

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes

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(630): My bed smells like naked (414): Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes http://tfl.nu/anqj

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I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!

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(630): I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!! http://tfl.nu/du0v

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her vagine was all disorganized.

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(630): her vagine was all disorganized. http://tfl.nu/l46f

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Last Night in Illinois (630)

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