If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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