I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
