Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.