When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night