I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....