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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
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