I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.