One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him