90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha