Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.