My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs