what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun