There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.