Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So many bounce houses so little time
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.