I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.