Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.