i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh good, I think they're gone
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How drunk are you??
i think my tv is drunk
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.