is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day