ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So many bounce houses so little time
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.