It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.