you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.