I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.