drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal