I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.