Just invented taco cereal.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006