College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?