Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
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Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.