We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!