This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.