And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever