I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO