Just invented taco cereal.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006