He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.