Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night