I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.