... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you