Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.