On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.