Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave