I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.