Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.