So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.