i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married