So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig