Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.