LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment