Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.