please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...