I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry