im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!