If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.