I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent