new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle