he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?