you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dating After Heartbreak
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.