My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?