Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!