I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.