so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
youre lurking in front of me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so fucking centered right now
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question