I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.