Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.