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Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
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