I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.