How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dating After Heartbreak
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.