I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.